Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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