I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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