I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
