Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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