clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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