My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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