I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
