worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
