She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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