how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
