I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
