There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
