can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
