Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Someone signed my nipple.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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