Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
