so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
