she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
