I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
