I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
