Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
