I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
