i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
