I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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