dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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