the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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