I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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