i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
