I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
