Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
