"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
