every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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