i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
