i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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