he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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