Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
