ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
