8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
