sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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