Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
