Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
