I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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