At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
