Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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