Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
