I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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