If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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