Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
