Umm I'm too high to move.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
