would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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