So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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