areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
