They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
