I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
