I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
