Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
