Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
